Bisi
Fayemi, feminist activist and the wife of Ekiti state governor, Kayode
Fayemi has called out people especially women who condemned Busola
Dakolo, wife of singer, Timi Dakolo who recently accused the Senior
Pastor of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly COZA, Pastor Biodun
Fatoyinbo, of raping her when she was 17.
Bisi Fayemi, while
narrating her own near-rape experience says she is appalled by the
number of women who have come out to shame and condemn Busola for
speaking up.
In an article she shared with the press, Mrs. Fayemi
says the culture of shaming rape victims and forcing them to silence
their pain in Nigeria must stop.
In her opinion, ”any adult who
has a sexual relationship with a girl under the age of 18 is committing
statutory rape, there is no such thing as consensual sex with a minor”.
Addressing the backlash Busola has received for speaking about the rape incident 20 years after, Mrs Fayemi wrote
”Over
and over, supporters of the Pastor and some who claimed neutrality kept
asking why Busola decided to speak up twenty years after the rape took
place. Why is she speaking out now? Why did she not say something at the
time? I could not believe some of the things people were saying,
including those who ought to know better.
Busola Dakolo and her
husband Timi received unprecedented support for their bravery, the court
of public opinion seems to be in their favour. However, I could not
help but wonder how we got to where we are, a society blissfully unaware
of the war that has been waged consistently on the bodies of women and
girls from one generation to the next.
Women don’t talk about
what happened to them as girls or as adults because of the implications –
shame, stigma, punishment, rejection.
I am even more appalled
at the number of women who have added their voices in the shaming of
Busola. If you cannot say anything to support another woman in pain, say
nothing. Keep quiet. If you are a fan of the accused Pastor, support
him if you want, but you don’t have to call his accuser names.
Mrs
Fayemi went on to share stories of how she was almost abused when she
was a child and how her gut as a child and her mother’s immediate stand
saved her from being a victim When I was ten years old, my mother
brought a male teenage relative to live with us to help around the
house. His name was Sina. He slept on a mattress on the floor with my
younger brother, while I was on the bed with one of my young Aunts. One
night, before I fell asleep, I felt my bed covers being pulled. I pulled
them back up. It happened again and I did the same thing. The third
time, I allowed the covers to be pulled off totally to be sure I was not
making a mistake.
I sat up and asked Sina what he was doing. He
said ‘nothing’. I stayed awake for most of the night. First thing in
the morning, I went to tell my mother. She did not yell at me. She did
not scream and call me a liar. By the time I got back from school, Sina
was gone and we never saw him again. We never had any male relatives
live with us after that.
When I was in secondary school and home
for the holidays, I was around thirteen at the time, I told my father I
wanted to learn how to swim. There was this young man who lived next
door, he used to run errands for my father, we called him Brother Lai.
My father asked Brother Lai to take me and my Aunt to Airport Hotel,
Ikeja, to teach us how to swim.
My first swimming lesson was my
last. Brother Lai held me from behind, teaching me how to kick my feet
under the water, while at the same time pressing himself against me and
touching me inappropriately. When I asked him why he was doing that, he
asked, ‘Can’t I play with you’? The next day, when he came around
for us to go for the next lesson, I refused. I never told my parents
what happened, I just mumbled something about not liking water.
I
was afraid of causing trouble. I did not want Brother Lai to be sent
away on my account, the same way Sina was frog-marched to the motor park
by my mother.
I did not want my parents to think I was in some
way encouraging these men to be inappropriate towards me. So, I said
nothing and just stayed out of Brother Lai’s way. Brother Lai had never
given any indication that he was anything other than a respected older
brother figure. I was however literally placed in his hands and he saw
an opportunity and took advantage of it.
That is what predators
do, they wait for opportunities to present themselves and then they
abuse trust and innocence. With hindsight, I shudder at the naivety of
my trusting parents. I, however, learnt to appreciate my mother’s
response to my claims, it could have gone differently. What if my mother
had not believed me? What if Brother Lai had come into our house and I
had let him in, and he had proceeded to attack me in my own home?
Rape
allegation by Busola Dakolo against Pastor Biodun continues to generate
reactions from all quarters, even has the embattled stepped down as the
senior pastor of COZA.
Busola has, however, reported the case to the police.
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